I have written about rejection before. I have dealt with it most of my life, and have allowed it to keep me from pursuing my hopes and dreams, even today. I am afraid to fail. But recently things have happened to me that have made me reconsider this phenomenon. I am now wondering if people really see me. Really?
Yes, really. Here are some examples, just a few, enough to wet the whistle, butter the bread, pay the piper...whatever!
I had a meeting with someone about an idea of mine, something I wanted to do in a venue I am involved with. Always encouraged to bring forth new ideas, I had taken my time, pondered over it, checked my resources, verified others would want to be involved, had a complete plan laid out. Took me six months to get the courage up to speak on it. Had a lovely meeting, very long and informative, I thought. It has been over a year, and no response.
I went to a place of business, within my employers business, and was standing in line behind one other person. Another woman walks up and stands beside me, both of us leaning on the wall behind us, waiting our turn. I thought. Then she decides she knows the person who was being waited on. She goes up to her, leans on the counter next to her, and begins a conversation. As the other person pays for her purchase, this woman simply slides into position, and becomes the person being waited on. I stand back and seethe with anger and indignation. Really??? You didn't just do that!!! I can't believe you have done this! Yes, I was outraged, amazed at the obvious rudeness, thinking about how my mama would slap me if I ever even thought to do that to someone.
'Didn't you know I was waiting in line? You were standing right next to me! What, did you think I was standing there just for the fun of it? How can you miss something this big?' My mind was reeling with the things I would have loved to say. I was humiliated and angry, and most of all hurt. She would be sorry she messed with me! Like I was a cowboy or a gunfighter or something. Geesh!
Then....my doctor's office all of a sudden forgot I existed. No prescriptions could be called in, no labs given to me, no appointment made for my 3 month. Nothing, nada. My husband was so angry he was going to call the doc's office for me. I said NO! But anytime I called, and left any kind of message, or asked for the littlest thing, I never got a call back. It took nearly two weeks to get a necessary prescription filled. I was so exasperated!
So, in my round about way of thinking, during all the hurt and rejection and pain I was feeling at the time, physical pain, I mean, I started re-evaluating what was happening to me. Why was I being rejected? What had I done? Most people seem to like me, and I have lots of friends. I always try not to be of bother to anyone, and am polite and kind. So what is up with me? What is wrong with me?
I am invisible. Yes, I am not always a victim of rejection, I am merely invisible. How can I blame anyone for these things if they don't see me? That must be my fault.
OK, so invisibility is also a form of rejection, but it is worse in some ways. Number one on my list is because of this; rejection is painful, it hurts the soul, but at least if you are rejected, someone has taken notice of you. When you are invisible, that is what hurts most...you are not noticed.
Now, I confess things are temporary in life, including these things I have described to you. They are seasons, and short ones at that. But during those seasons, I have experienced incredible sadness and sorrow, while enjoying my little pity parties at the same time. Sounds crazy, but something else; I have remembered why I always take the side of the underdog...because I know what it feels like to be both rejected, and invisible.
This is a lesson from the LORD. I am convinced of it. It sounds extreme, but when you feel like I did during this two to three week period, extreme is the situation. Once through it, I have realized I am not really rejected, and was not really invisible. People are indeed rude, more and more, they are rude. It is becoming a true blight on our society. And people are more often inconsiderate of other's feelings, like the person I met with, who dashed my dream with silence. It wasn't intentional. I know this person. This is NOT that person's usual way. But life has become so busy, that we all fall into both those categories, and along the way we cause hurt feelings, and we send the pangs of rejection and inferiority through someones heart.
Jesus said He would equip those who are willing. He will give us what we need to succeed. He has made sure we know that all things are possible through Him. Why then do we give up so easily, and let the silly idiosyncrasies of life overwhelm and drown our hopes, our dreams, our very lives?
I know my limitations. But I also know the limitlessness (new word?) of my God. So today I put away those feelings of rejection and invisibility, and of my fear of failure, and I step forward with a new attitude, a new promise, a new purpose in front of me. Really???